haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
