...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
