I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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