okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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