I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
