I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
