she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
