I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
