Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
