dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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