MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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