I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
