Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
