So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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