Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
