Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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