Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
