i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
