i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
