so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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