I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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