This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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