at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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