Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
