Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
