You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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