Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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