Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
