The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
