so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
