I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
