clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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