have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
