Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
