He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
