Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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