the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
