hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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