some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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