Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
