The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
