oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Please don't give away my fajitas
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
