They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
