why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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