i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
