Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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