I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
