Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can't turn off my feet"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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