I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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