i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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